Ah, Randomness
by StopAndSmellTheFlowers
Summary: Yes, they're back. Fabulous Flower, helpful Hermione, handy Harry, and -raspberry?- Ron are at it again, ready to take on Randomosity itself.


**A/N: It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, I'm back. (For now.) And I really have no idea how often this will be updated, because I have got too little time and too many insane ideas that can only—and then, perhaps sparingly—work in the wonderful world of fanfiction. Also, a random bit of useless knowledge that has been bothering me for a while now: this stupid N key on my keyboard only works every other time I press it. Argh.**

Flower had been bored for a while now. She didn't want to continue with any of the fifty-some projects she was half-done with and she didn't particularly want to look over the one that _was_ complete. The only logical option left was to bake an enormous cake, but she'd recently run out of flour and didn't feel like going all the way to the store to get some more.

A thought floated through the abyss of boredom. _I wish I could just magic myself some flour_. A pause, and then: _Heh. Flower's Flour. _ Another thought followed the first two. _Why _don't_ I just magic myself some flour, though? Actually, I could talk to Harry, Ron, and Hermione again. It's been a while. _She considered the topic a bit more and came to the conclusion that the best course of action would be to go to the Magic Room, the same room that she'd done some fanmail things in a while back. That business had slowed considerably, and though she didn't want it to die, she didn't want it to continue either. So, something new.

She entered the Magic Room and sighed. It had been too long. She wished for some cake and a very familiar-looking monkey appeared, holding a platter of sushi. Flower frowned and assumed that her control over the room was a little rusty. She willed the monkey away and wished for cake. After a few tries and three encounters with a eucalyptus plant, she'd obtained her cake and was satisfied with her ability. Flower wished for Harry, Ron and Hermione.

A door popped open and the Golden Trio walked through. Perfectly normal greetings were exchanged—textbook greetings, boring greetings.

"So," Ron said. "Raspberries. I love raspberries. What shall we do?"

Flower frowned. She had not thought this far ahead. "Erm… I dunno, really. What do you want to do?"

"I'm feeling very random today," Harry put forth. "How about a game?"

Everyone else shrugged their compliance and there was a moment of slightly awkward silence, upon which Flower said, "So… Which game, then?"

Nobody knew.

"Give me a word, then. Just for inspiration. And I'll make up a game for us to play."

Hermione spoke up first. "Random."

"All right," said Flower immediately. "Let's play the Random Game."

"How d'you play?" asked Ron.

"Good question," Flower said. "I haven't invented it yet. Give me a minute."

"Give _me _a raspberry," Ron said immediately.

They gave her a minute and him a raspberry.

"Okay," Flower said. "This is how you play. I will press this button"—in her hand there was suddenly a miniature remote control with one red button that said "Randomize" in big black letters—"and random things will happen. Then we'll just react and find out what happens."

Everyone agreed, signed a waiver, and had a raspberry muffin to shut Ron up, who'd been complaining about being hungry. Then Flower pushed the button very dramatically.

The Room was no longer the Room. That is to say, the _room_ was no longer the _Room_. This room was pink. And garishly decorated. And apparently, was the home of Ronald's great aunt Tessie. She bustled in, holding a platter of fish and miniature pianos and looking very closely at a fat ring on her finger, saying, "And you know, Georgie, it's only a matter of time until Edwina realizes…" She trailed to a stop as she noticed her great-nephew and three of his apparent cohorts. Ron's eyes widened.

"Flower," he said quickly. "Flower, get us out of here. _Now._"

"Why?" inquired Flower. Tessie seemed fine to her: slightly weird, granted, with the frills and maroon lace—_maroon lace, _ugh_—_all over her sixties-style dress. Eighteen sixties, that is.

"You haven't met her yet," Ron muttered quietly. "Just trust me. Get us ou—"

"_Ronnie-kins!"_ His great aunt had semi-comprehended what was going on and had dropped her platter of oddities on the floor, in order to more easily envelope Ron in a hug that would crush Hagrid's ribs. She disengaged herself and Ron gasped for air. Tessie looked around proudly at the other three.

"And who are you?" she said pleasantly into Flower's face. Tessie's breath smelled of sickly cherries- or was it raspberries?- and overcooked broccoli.

"I'm—I'm Flower," Flower managed, "and I'm afraid we have to go now." She pushed the button but nothing happened. She could feel a minor panic attack coming when a new sound entered the peoples' ears. It was the opera piece O Fortuna, and it was being played by the herring on the piano platter. Flower heaved a sigh of relief. At least the Random button was working.

Tessie, meanwhile, was mildly and pleasantly surprised to find her entrée serenading her to the best of its ability.

"O Fortuna," it warbled, "velut luna, statu variabilis, semper crescis…"

Flower pushed the button again and they were all back in the room, Tessie included, along with what looked like several miles of puce yarn.

"My goodness, what an _adorable_ color!" Aunt Tessie gushed as everyone else winced. She ran to a pile of the yarn and began to inspect it—what she could possibly be looking for was far beyond Flower.

She pressed the button again and it was raining mushrooms in a heather field where the sky was raspberry pink and everything else was brown except the mushrooms (they were blue, of course). Half the mushrooms turned into blue raspberries, while the other half doubled in size.

Ron shrieked at the sight of so many of the detestable fungi, which Hermione was highly confused about.

"You've eaten loads of mushrooms, though, Ron," she said exasperatedly. "At school, half the lunch menu is mushroom."

"NOOOO! THEY HAVE INVADED MY SCHOOL! DEFEND THE HOGWARTS CASTLE! PIERTOTUM LOCOMOTOR!"

The mushrooms and raspberries started to wriggle of their own will and advanced on the three humans—Flower pushed the Random button before they could think—wait—everything was color—three—raspberry—Ron was screaming again—mushroom—_three—_there were only three—

Ron, Flower, and Hermione were back in the room. There was no Tessie, there were no raspberries, there were no mushrooms, there was no yarn. And there was no Harry.

No Harry. Oh –

"Shhh! Both of you shut up!" Hermione yelled. Ron quit his blubbering and Flower stopped her cursing, temporarily.

"Now," Hermione continued calmly, "we need to be logical. You said that button was random, Flower?"

"Yes," the author replied.

"So we've no idea where he is?"

"That just about sums it up, yes."

"Can you just will him here with the room?"

"Well… it's a long story. The room is like a TARDIS, in that it can interact with all of time and space. _All _of time, and_ all_ of space. That's why, when I pull you characters out, I can choose where to take you from and when to take you from, etc. If I don't know where Harry is, let alone _when_ he is, let _alone __if_ he is… I won't be able to find him."

There was a pause in which Ron was confused and Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You could've just said 'no', you know."

Flower grinned mischievously. "I know. But where's the fun in that?"

"What do we have to do, then? How do we find him? And can I have another raspberry?" Ron interrupted.

The plea for a raspberry was ignored, as the other two had had quite enough of raspberries for the moment.

Flower was still smiling. "We have to have… an _adventure_. An adventure through time, space, and all of randomosity!"

_To be continued... DUN DUN DUNNNN!_

_Oh yes, and also... DISCLAIMER! Does it _look _like I own this franchise? No? Didn't think so._


End file.
